Never Forget That Sexual Assault/Harassment Still Affects Our Community
In the cosplay community there is so much to love from the unique costumes, wonderful people, talented photographers, and vendors who sell products to help enhance a costume. Of course, we can not forget the conventions that allow us to run around and forget our troubles for a weekend. Cosplay has impacted our our lives in so many ways whether it has been from forging new friendships over a shared love of a fandom or an appreciation for one another’s craftsmanship or wit.
I could go on and on about my love for the hobby but unfortunately that isn’t the topic I want to discuss. Recently a hashtag #metoo has taken the internet by storm. If you are unfamiliar with the movement, it is to bring awareness to just how many people have suffered from sexual assault or harassment. This applies to both men and women regardless of age, race, or sexual preference. By simply posting #metoo it is a signal that that person has gone through an unfortunate experience that made them feel vulnerable or violated. They don’t have to tell their tale to anyone, just using the hashtag it is enough to communicate this concept and let their peers know just how many have been affected.
I think this is a great movement for a very serious and sensitive topic. It is unfortunate that we live in a time where not only do terrible things happen to people but even more so that when they voice their concerns they can be dismissed and the offender is allowed to walk freely. The reason I talk about cosplay and #metoo is because sexual assault and harassment is still such an issue in the community. Although we have made progress such as “Cosplay is not consent” with various videos and memes being created to support this ideal and over the years the community has become more respectful of others, we still have such a long way to go.
The worst part about something like this is that it is easy for the public to turn their cheek to the issue in favor of whatever new distraction comes their way and I can understand why. This is a terrible problem that has no easy solution and yet we still have to tackle it constantly until we reach a point where everyone can feel comfortable. To help this cause I reached out to dear friends of mine and asked them to submit their experiences if they felt comfortable doing so. I offered them the chance to be public or anonymous and to my surprise we received quite a few responses.
We are going to list them soon but first I would like to share my own experience, or rather me bearing witness to a situation. I was in the middle of interviewing a cosplayer this year at Anime Expo and during our interview we could hear a smack, a yelp and then I watched her eyes grew wide with concern before searching hard. She had been smacked from behind by a con goer in the middle of an interview but no matter how hard we searched, the offender slipped into the sea of people and those who saw chose to stay silent. All we could do was take a small break to let her compose herself, accept that this just happened and that she was powerless to do anything about it and then return to the interview. I was in awe at the act but more so at how quickly she composed herself as though this was just something that happens and she has to deal with. It was unsettling to say the least, especially knowing that this happens often, too often.
The stories and advice you are about to read come from real people. Their opinions and experiences are unique and can range from graphic to vague. I know having them relive these memories was rough but it is my hope that by sharing these stories it will bring awareness to our community that these problems still exist and encourage others to share their own tales or take comfort hat they are not alone. They will continue to exist and may even worsen if we don’t give these topics enough attention and care.
I can not begin to tell you how much courage it must have taken for these men and women to come forward. Although I originally intended for this to focus on the cosplay community, more people came forward that were not from the cosplay crowd. Instead we decided to have this focus on the geek community as a whole.
I was at a con. I was too disoriented (lack of sleep coupled with alcohol from the night before) to defend myself. It was dark, and I probably couldn’t point him out in a line up. I kept whimpering. “No”, but he persisted.
I was 16 and worked at a haunted house. He pinned me against a wall (our scares were directly next to eachother) and told me that he had plenty of things he wanted to do to me if we weren’t at work. He was 25.
My first job was at a big chain video game store. I was a regular customer and was one day told that I could have a job there if I wanted. When I was hired, it started fine, except that I was always doing the grunt work (vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the windows, etc.) I didn’t think anything of it at first, until we had new staff and I was still stuck with those chores. One night, I protested and was told that this was a woman’s job. ocassionally, the manager would offer to take me to lunch. I took him up once and suddenly, I didn’t have to do all the grunt work. If I turned him down, I went right back to the grunt work. This continued until I started dating and the manager cut my hours to 5
When I was 16 years old, I wasn’t driving yet at the time. I was spending the weekend with my grandparents. Long story short a family dispute ensued over a phone call made. I was instructed that I needed to leave, ASAP. In tears I called the first guy in my phone book. In tears I sobbed that I needed a ride, and asked if he would come get me. He agreed. About 15 minutes later came to get me. I explained I’d like to go to my brothers house, and told him where it was. I kept sobbing uncontrollably. At first he was trying to console me. Tell me it’s okay, it’s gonna be alright etc. Not even paying attention where we were going we ended up parked in a parking lot of a park. I asked what we were going we ended up parked in a parking lot of a park. I asked what we were doing, that I just wanted to go to my brothers house. He said we were just talking. I said alright, and sat there. Next thing I know he’s rubbing my legs, trying to kiss me, trying to rub underneath my shirt. I kept saying no, I just wanted to go to my brothers house. He just kept saying it’s okay. Kept touching and rubbing and telling me it’s fine. Eventually asking if I wanted to sit in the back seat. I kept repeating, NO, I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BROTHERS HOUSE! Eventually he did take me and drop me off. I often question why of all people I called him that day. I guess knowing I was as vulnerable as I was, I didn’t expect he would try anything. And why even when I said no, he kept doing what he was doing. #metoo
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So I was at anime expo cosplaying kill la kill with Khainsaw, and everyone knows KLK pretty much covers the important parts and your limbs and that’s it. I only really do cosplays for khainsaw at this point so it very it was very much not intended to bring unwanted attention. Anyways she is a very strong person when it comes to dealing with people, I’m more shy on the other hand and don’t really retaliate or seek interaction. I ran off from her to run to the vendor hall and grab some gifts for friends. I took off my heels and ditched my weapon so I could be quick and on my way back someone blatantly grabbed my ass and hightailed it. It wasn’t just an accidental bump since it does get crowded in there, this was aggressive and very much intentional. I swung around and the only suspicious thing I saw was some guy running away super fast so I caught up real quick and grabbed his arm and shouted. He looked wide eyed and just kinda stuttered that he didn’t do anything over and over. I didn’t know what to do so I panicked and ran away and cried to khainsaw and didn’t leave her side the rest of the day. We live in a society where it’s not uncommon for women to need to be escorted for their safety. It’s bullshit. I felt terrible.
