Finding A Geeky Significant Other (Without Losing Your Mind)

Finding A Geeky Significant Other (Without Losing Your Mind)

I’m a huge geek. Since I was younger I wanted to be a fantasy writer, run a blog that would give the community the information they craved without sponsors in their faces, I wanted to create an RPG and so many other goals I plan on completing before my time on this earth is done. However, I was never good with the ladies. I had so many projects to work on that being in a relationship always got pushed to the side. I knew I definitely wanted a girlfriend who saw my crazy personality as charm and would be willing to spend a Saturday night playing Minecraft or joining with friends to play table top games.

I went twenty three years single despite trying my hardest to put myself out there. I’ve been burned, let down, stood up, and a whole manner of other things before finding the right one. so I am going to share my experiences and advice that, I hope, will help you avoid finding yourself in a whole lot of suck on the road to geeky  love.

Reality Check

As a geek, both of us have probably seen/read/watched more of our favorite fandoms than we care to admit to anyone. I remember watching Tenchi Muyo back in the day and wanting his life style where beautiful women adored him yet he was able to keep an awesome relationship with every one without them all leaving. When I read novels, usually about underdogs, about the guy getting the most beautiful woman in the entire world by sheer personality alone it inspired me. Reading comics of these unlikely heroes meeting jaw dropping women who no one could understand and yet he is able to totally understand her and make her fall in love with him.

I walked into the dating scene thinking that this was how life operates and I was sorely mistaken. Look at the woman in the picture to the left. She is gorgeous, she is wearing a spider man t shirt and the photo shoot is more than likely a cosplay of some sort or just a geeky model.  You as a single individual might look at her and think “Yeah, that’s the woman I want. Beautiful, geeky, and a model? No other woman compares! I deserve a woman like this”.

Two things: 1. We’re all human beings all trying to survive this thing we call life, I do not know everything so you being able to date a woman like this might be possible! 2. If you walk into any situation in life thinking you deserve something, you may have problems. Men and women are not objects to be won, in all of those harem animes we watch where girls are throwing themselves at one guy is actually very sad if you think about it. They adore, love and cherish one person who will never return the same feelings, yet they still devote their energy to them.

We all want to be loved in life and so do women like the one in the image. I know nothing about this model, she may not even like Spider man or anything geeky for all we know and she is just doing the photo shoot solely because she needs the money to pay her rent. If that is the case, then that’s totally fine! She is just doing what she thinks is best. If you attempt to get into a relationship with her, find out she has her own set of interests that do not work with yours, she is not some broken object that needs to be fixed, she is just doing her thing and you’ve gotta come to terms with that.

You’ve also have to come to terms that the person that understands you, loves you, adores you and is the best person for you may not be a super model. They might look average, they might not be as smart as others but it’s their actions that count. Never ever discredit or credit a person based upon their looks alone.

You Need Self Worth

Following up the reality check that the beautiful women at comic con, the cosplayer you see wondering around, the artist in your class etc. are real people and you need to understand that things might not work out with everyone comes the fact that you also need self worth. I know everyone gives the advice, “You need confidence in your self and everything will go great!”. I hated that advice with a fiery passion of ten thousand suns because I honestly felt that I was worth so little because I did not have a bank account filled of money, I was not a greek god, I was not Caucasian, and I was only sorta kind of funny once and a while. How the hell could I have self confidence?

Well, friend, I discovered this secret only a couple years ago: I am fucking awesome. I don’t mean to sound arrogant or cocky, and you should not dare roll your eyes at me because the fact is, you are also cool as fuck. Sure, I may not make tons of money, I grunt every time I pick up something from the ground, I can’t learn CSS to save my life and I’m ugly as all hell but I am there for my friends, I love to write, I love to play D&D and donate to charity whenever I get the chance. I’m sure if you stop for a moment and think about yourself, focusing on the great stuff about you, you’ll also realize that you are fresh as fuck.

How does this apply to finding a geeky significant other? Before you can truly love someone else, you need to love yourself. Anyone man or woman can throw themselves at various people and get into a relationship, but you need to understand that you deserve someone who will appreciate you and your awesome. I threw myself at a number of women yearning to get into a relationship just to no longer be alone. All the while I looked at women who I actually wanted to be with and thought I had no chance at all of being with them. The truth was, I did have a chance. A huge chance. But I could stand see the truth due to my vision being clouded by my self doubt.

If you are going to be with someone then make damn sure that it is that right someone. If he/she is not in school, does not have a job, is doing something that you do not agree with then move on. Don’t stay. Don’t try and change them. Move on and keep searching for the right person.

Never Sacrifice Your Ideals

Do you see the incredible human being to the right by the name of Dan Avidan? He is a god among men. He goes by the name of Danny Sexbang on YouTube for Ninja Sex Party which is fantastic. He also appears on Game Grumps with Egoraptor, together they make magic happen. I won’t go into anymore detail because I could go on for days, but let’s say this man comes to you and wants you to date him(let’s make this about the ladies now since we talked about the guys a bit ago.), he offers you his hand in exchange for your freedom. What do I mean by freedom? The freedom of speaking your mind, believing in whatever it is you believe in, seeing your family, pursuing your goals, seeing your friends and so much more.

You may think “Sure! Of course I would, it’s Danny from Game Grumps!” and you move forward with this. At first it’s awesome and you have a great time, telling yourself that you can ignore the fact that dating him comes with quite a few rules. As time rolls on you notice that he stops caring for you as much, you still are unable to do what you want and know that you are going crazy because of this relationship.

Well ladies and gentlemen, sorry to say, you have forsaken your ideals for that person. Nothing good can ever come from being stripped of those precious codes you live by because they make you who you are. I know many of you might be reading this and say “I would never be in that situation.” and I hope you are right! I have seen far too many male and female friends drop everything for someone who would not do the same.

From a personal experience, I once worked with a very beautiful woman at a coffee shop. We’d get put on the same shifts and we’d chat all day about lord of the rings, the world and everything else. We knew we liked one another and eventually things came to a point where we needed to confront this elephant in the room. So we talked things out, she knew I was Buddhist and I knew she was christian. Unfortunately she laid down the ultimatum that if we were going to move forward, I would have to become christian. This was a deal breaker. I’ve been catholic since I could remember and had converted to Buddhism in high school after reading books upon books and meditating constantly. I made a conscious choice of what I believed in and held those beliefs in high regard. I had to decline her offer. Thankfully we agreed to still be friends and went on our way.

Although she was smart, beautiful, hardworking, kind and worldly, I knew that if I gave up who I was, I would never be happy.

Where to meet them?

If you truly want to find a significant other then the answer is as simple as getting out of your normal routine and doing new activities. More than likely you have already looked over everyone at school, work, and friends yet nothing is working out with them. Whether you are a guy or a girl, the best thing you can do is not sit around hoping they fall from the sky with flowers, go out and live life. I do not mean go out and hunt for the first single guy or girl you see but just do new things. Join a new table top group, go hiking, take up a boxing class, play a new video game and make friends with the community. By doing new things, new people enter your life, more than likely ones that share the same interests as you since you met them at these new gatherings.

If getting out does not work then revert to dating websites. I met my girlfriend on gk2gk.com, I honestly thought she was a fake profile at first but when she responded to my message I was in shock. I always thought dating websites were jokes that never worked but sure enough, it worked quite well!

To end, I just want to tell you that everything will work itself out. You might fail the first few times at fining your geeky significant other and that’s totally okay. That is life and after those experiences, you’ll know better for next time but getting out there and trying is what matters the most. 

Good luck! 

Photo: Chris Lambert
Model: Stephanie van Rijn