I Think My Girlfriend aka 3D Waifu Is Broken

After years of anime and falling in love with waifu after waifu, from Ryoko to Bulma, I was excited to one day get a 3D waifu of my own. I was so excited to get to feel the squishy warmth of resting my head on her thighs or even watching at how cute she’d be eating her food with tiny bites and more! However, I am finding out that things are not as I expected them to be and I want to share my experiences so that others can be prepared for when they get a 3D waifu of their own.


In many anime series, we watch the most kawaii of girls eat their meals in such cute, small chomps that leave slight bite marks, then they chew while making an adorable sound. However, every single meal that I have had with my own girlfriend has been just as ravenous, if not more, than myself. I have actually timed how long it takes us to devour a burger and so far I only have eaten my meal faster than her 60% of the time.

A Thief Named Alexia

Lap Pillows

Lap Pillow

There is little more that is more wholesome in the world of anime than when an anime girl allows the guy she likes to rest his head on her thighs. The official title of this act, which I just learned because of this article, is called a Lap Pillow. This was without a doubt one of the aspects of a relationship that I was looking for to the most.

I grew concerned since after months of dating, not once did she ever even hint at letting me use her as a lap pillow. She instead wanted to discuss trivial things such as, “When are you going to meet my parents?” and, “Why are all of your favorite anime girls crazy and violent?”

I had to finally pull her aside and ask for this experience and she legitimately looked at me with raised brows and a gaping mouth as she asked, “Is this a sexual thing?” How dare she think so little of such a glorious act!

Needless to say, she never got the concept, and therefore it never happened.


Anime girls reach some of their maximum kawaii-ness when they do the iconic shift from sweet to complete angelic creatures. We’ve seen it time and again as they truly are sugar, spice, and everything nice, but no, oh no!

Every morning that we wake up next to one another is similar to defusing a bomb. There is a window of time that I have prior to her exploding into a fit of rage that would no doubt end my life. However, I found out that coffee is actually the saving grace, but in hardly any anime do they ever even mention anything like this!

Also, I should mention that in anime girls typically shy away from being anything close to lustful and always remain focused on the parts of life like food, music, gaming, sports, music and more. But my 3D waifu is just not like that! Sometimes I’ll be writing and she’ll appear and then want to do things that I’ve only seen in Hentai!

A Thief Named Alexia


Everyone who is anyone knows the magical properties of boobs in anime. They can jiggle without any movement, nipples are always poking out through clothing, they weigh nothing, and are so powerful that they can dodge literal bullets.

I found that this, too, is not the case with my 3D waifu. In fact every single aspect that I mentioned is the exact opposite. They have weight, gravity affects them, and I am like 30% sure they can’t actually dodge a bullet. They are just sacks of flesh and fat that cause back pain.

I mean, they are still cool and everything. I just now have to edit my zombie survival plans and give more back rubs than I previously thought.

It isn’t all bad though! Even though there are certain aspects of her that are broken, like the boobs and not understanding the treasure that is lap pillows, she still does other awesome things.

Like get me small gifts when I am down.

Or goes on adventures with me!

Not to mention be my best friend along with being my 3D waifu even though she is broken!

A Thief Named Alexia

Website | + posts

Chicano | Fighting/Writing for Diversity | DM since 08 | Anime Lover | Site: http://thegeeklyfe.com | info@thegeeklyfe.com | http://twitch.tv/the_geek_lyfe

Chicano | Fighting/Writing for Diversity | DM since 08 | Anime Lover | Site: http://thegeeklyfe.com | info@thegeeklyfe.com | http://twitch.tv/the_geek_lyfe

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